When a best friend moves away, young kids don't stop caring. They just can't keep a friendship going on their own. They can't make plans, they don't have phones, and a FaceTime call with a five-year-old tends to last about four minutes.
So for a while, the friendship is partly a parent project. Here's what keeps it going.
Team up with the other parent
This is the part that actually matters most. Text the other parent and agree on a regular time: Sunday mornings, every other Saturday, whatever works across both schedules (and time zones). A standing slot means nobody has to organize it from scratch, which is usually where these friendships quietly fade.
Every week or two is plenty. Short and regular beats long and rare.
Make the calls about playing, not talking
Kids don't bond by chatting. They bond by doing things together, and a call with nothing to do in it puts all the weight on conversation, which young kids are bad at. Give them something to do and they'll play the way they did when they lived down the street.
Drawing together is my favorite for this. On a normal call, each kid draws separately and holds the paper up to the camera. With PaintPal, one parent starts a room and sends the link, and the two kids draw or color on the same page from their own homes while they see each other on video. You can set up a drawing room for the two of them in a browser, or on the iPhone and iPad app. (Here's how drawing online with a friend works if you want the details.)
Other things that work: games that work on FaceTime (scavenger hunts are a classic for a reason), building the same Lego challenge, or things to make together on a call. For a longer session, these virtual playdate ideas have more.
Keep in touch between calls
Little things between calls do a lot of the work.
Voice and video messages. A 20-second "hi, I lost my tooth" recorded on a parent's phone is easy to make, and kids love getting replies. No scheduling needed.
Mail. Kids get almost no mail, so a letter or drawing with their name on it is a big event. Even a scribble counts.
A shared project. Both kids plant a bean on the same day, or work on a story together one page per call, so there's always something to pick up again.
For older kids
From around 7 or 8, some kids are ready for playing together in an online game with real parental controls, like a private Minecraft world that only invited friends can join. Set it up with the other parent so you both know who's in it.
Plan a visit if you can
Even one visit a year makes the calls feel more real. Put it on the calendar, count down to it together, and do a call the week before so they're excited, not shy, when they see each other.
When your kid doesn't want to call
This happens, and it's normal. Usually it means the calls have become boring, not that the friendship is over. Make them shorter, let your kid pick the activity (and see why calls fall apart with little kids), and don't force it ("but don't you miss Maya?" makes it feel like a chore).
It's also fine if the friendship changes. Kids make new friends after a move, and that's a good thing. The goal isn't to freeze the friendship as it was. It's to give it a real chance to keep going if both kids want it to.
Most of this works for cousins too, and I put together some ideas for cousins who live apart, especially when there's a big age gap.
The short version
Agree on a regular time with the other parent. Give the kids something to do together on every call. Fill the gaps with voice messages and mail. And keep it light enough that they look forward to it.
If your kids love to draw, try PaintPal with their friend. I'd love to hear how they keep in touch.
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