How to Keep Young Kids Engaged on FaceTime

If your kid gets excited about a FaceTime call and then wanders off after two minutes, that's normal. A video call asks a young kid to sit still, look at a face and make conversation, which is close to the hardest possible thing for a three- to six-year-old.

The fix isn't a better kid. It's a different kind of call.

Why it falls apart

They can't do small talk yet. "What did you do today?" asks a kid to remember a whole day and turn it into a story. Most young kids answer "nothing," and then there's nowhere to go.

There's nothing to do with their hands. Kids connect by doing things side by side. A call takes that away and leaves just a face on a screen.

The other person can't play back. In person, a toy gets passed back and forth. On video, a kid holds the toy up, and then what?

Timing. A hungry, tired or overstimulated kid won't manage a call no matter what you do.

Silly behavior, showing off and running away are usually the same thing: a kid who doesn't know what to do with the call.

Before the call

Pick a good time. Not right before dinner, not right before bed. After a snack or a nap is usually best.

Tell them what's going to happen. "In five minutes we're calling Grandpa, and you're going to show him your new truck and play the sock game." Kids do much better when they know the plan.

Set up the device. Prop it up at their height, ideally on a table, so they don't have to hold it and you can see their hands.

Have one activity ready. Not five. One.

The first minute

The opening is where most calls die, because it's all questions. Give your kid something to show instead. "Show Maya your drawing" or "show Grandma your loose tooth" gets them talking without being put on the spot. It's a much easier start than "say hi."

Build the call around one activity

This is the biggest change. Pick one thing for both sides to do together, and let the conversation happen around it: a scavenger hunt, Simon Says, building the same Lego challenge, reading a picture book. There are lists of games that work on FaceTime and FaceTime activities if you need ideas.

Drawing or coloring together works especially well, because it can go on for as long as they're into it. On FaceTime, though, it means holding paper up to the camera. PaintPal was built to fix that: one of you starts a room and sends the link, and the kids color the same page together on their own devices while they see each other on video.

Be the co-host, not the interviewer

Your job during the call is to keep things moving, gently. Narrate ("ooh, Maya's finding something blue"), suggest the next step, and hand over things your kid needs. Avoid quizzing ("tell Grandma what you did at school"). It's the fastest way to lose them.

When they wander off, don't call them back right away. Often they've gone to get something to show. If they're really done, let the grown-ups chat for a minute. Kids often drift back.

End before it falls apart

Five to fifteen minutes is plenty for most kids under six. End while it's still fun, with the same goodbye every time (a wave, a kiss to the camera, a countdown). A good ending is what makes them want to call again.

When it still goes wrong

Too silly or wild: give them a job. "Can you be in charge of the music for freeze dance?" Being in charge is calming.

Too shy: take the spotlight off. A stuffed animal can do the talking, or they can draw while the grown-ups chat. Shy kids often warm up once they're busy.

A meltdown: end the call kindly and try another day. No guilt, no "but Grandma wanted to talk to you." It wasn't the right moment, that's all.

Short and often

A ten-minute call every week beats an hour once a month. Calls become routine, and kids love routine. Over time, they'll start asking to call.

If it's grandparents on the other end, send them a guide for grandparents too. For a longer call between friends, see these virtual playdate ideas. And I wrote more about screen time that connects kids instead of isolating them.

If your kids love to draw, try PaintPal on your next call. I'd love to hear whether it changes things.