How to Make FaceTime With Grandkids Actually Fun

If FaceTime with your grandkids feels like interviewing a very small celebrity who keeps walking off set, you're not doing anything wrong. That's what video calls with young kids are like by default.

From the parent's side of the phone, I've noticed the calls that go well have three things in common: fewer questions, a grandparent who follows the kid's lead, and something to do. Here's how to get there.

Ask less, notice more

"What did you do today?" sounds easy, but it asks a young kid to remember a whole day and turn it into a story. Most four-year-olds will say "nothing" and go find a snack.

Comment on what you see instead. "That's a very big truck." "Is that a dinosaur behind you?" Comments don't put kids on the spot, and they usually get a reply anyway (often a correction, which is fine).

When you do ask, keep it about right now and make it easy to answer. "Pasta or a sandwich for lunch?" works. "What's new with you?" doesn't. "I wonder what your cat is doing" works best of all, because they'll go find out.

Follow their lead

Kids on video show you the ceiling, put the phone up to their nose, and want you to meet every one of their toy cars. Child development people call this "serve and return": the kid serves, you return. So treat the car parade like the most interesting thing you've seen all week, and the call keeps going.

When they run off, wait a moment. They've often gone to get something to show you. If they really are gone, chat with their parent in a cheerful voice. Kids drift back to a fun-sounding conversation more often than you'd think.

Bring something to do

This is the biggest change you can make. A call with nothing in it depends entirely on conversation, which is the hardest thing for young kids. Add an activity and the conversation mostly takes care of itself.

A stuffed animal who wants to say hello, a picture book or a quick game all work. I keep a list of things to do with grandkids over FaceTime and simple games that hold up on video.

Coloring together is the one I'd try first, because it keeps both of your hands busy for as long as you like. On ordinary FaceTime that means two separate pictures held up to the camera. PaintPal puts you on the same picture instead: your grandkid's parent can set up a coloring room and text you the link, you open it on your laptop, tablet or iPhone, and you color together while you see each other on video.

Keep it short, end on a high

Ten happy minutes beats thirty that end in a meltdown, because the end is what the kid remembers. Stop while it's still going well, and use the same goodbye every time (a phrase, a kiss to the camera, a countdown) so the ending doesn't feel like being cut off.

Short calls every week work better than long ones once a month. Kids love a routine.

Don't make it about guilt

"Don't you want to talk to grandma?" turns calls into a chore, and kids start dreading them. It isn't personal. A kid who wanders away from a screen would happily sit in your lap for an hour. The screen is the problem, not you.

Call at a good time

Ask the parents for the best window. Right before dinner and right before bed are usually the worst (hungry and tired, respectively). Weekend mornings and after naps tend to be great. A quick heads-up on what the kids are into this week (a new show, a lost tooth, sharks) gives you an easy opener.

Set up your end

Use the biggest screen you have and prop it up so your hands are free. Sit with the light in front of you, not behind (a window behind you turns you into a silhouette). Learn to flip the camera so you can show them the garden or the cat without fumbling. And turn the volume up.

The short version

Comment instead of quizzing. Follow them wherever they go. Bring something to do. Keep it short, end the same way every time, and call often.

For things to do together online between calls, see these online activities for grandparents and grandchildren. If you're the parent reading this, the parent's side of this is here, and I also wrote about helping kids stay close to grandparents who live far away.

And if you want an easy first activity, try PaintPal on your next call.